


Tequila Makes His Clothes Fall Off

by PyretofSweden



Series: The Country-Verse Series [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, song-fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-02
Updated: 2011-12-02
Packaged: 2017-10-26 19:12:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/286893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PyretofSweden/pseuds/PyretofSweden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt has a Girls' Night Out. Noah worries he'll come home in a tablecloth - again. (This is the second part of the Country-Verse Series, following Good Directions)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tequila Makes His Clothes Fall Off

**Author's Note:**

> **Author:** PyretofSweden **Beta:** InsularFLY
> 
>  **Summary:**  
>  Kurt has a girls’ night out. Noah worries he’ll come home in a table cloth – again. (This is the second story of the Country-verse series, following Good Directions).
> 
>  **Country-Verse Series:**  
>  Good Directions  
> Tequila Makes His Clothes Fall Off
> 
>  **Rating:** PG-15
> 
>  **Warnings:** Songfic, Heavy drinking, Bad flirting, Hurt feelings, Emotional Rollercoaster-ing, Slash
> 
>  **Spoilers:** None
> 
>  **Word count:** 6837
> 
>  **Genre:** Songfic/Fluff/Angst/Feel-good-fic/AU-future (the boys are about 25-30)
> 
>  **Pairings/Characters:** Noah Puckerman/Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Noah Puckerman, Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson, Mercedes Jones, Tina Cohen-Chang, Brittney S. Pierce, Mike Chang, Finn Hudson
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** _Glee_ belongs to the fantastic Ryan Murphy and FOX. _Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off_ belongs to Joe Nichols and whatever label he’s with. I make no money playing in their sandbox.
> 
>  **A/N:** This fic is based on, and inspired by, Joe Nichols’ _Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off_ (lyrics will be provided at the end of this fic). There are no chunks of lyrics in the story though – that is a major pet peeve of mine, so I refuse to do it. The POVs change throughout the story (it will be clearly marked when that happens) and sometimes they might overlap… I hope that won’t cause anyone to break out in hives.

  
****  


Tequila Makes His Clothes Fall Off

  


~*~*~*~

Noah trudged up the six stairs to their shared apartment. It had been a few months since they moved in but he still wasn’t used to the steep trek up, it was better than their old apartment – it was 12 stories up. Though the building had an elevator Noah didn’t really like to use it. Something about being trapped in a small box hanging by a couple of wires made his chest feel tight and snakes twist in his belly. It was the main reason they’d moved to an apartment-building with fewer stories.

Sometimes he just missed his house in Georgia; it was big and airy with an open floor plan and large windows overlooking the fields, and no staircases, or elevators, at all. He had sold it when he moved to the city to be with Kurt, two years ago. He didn’t regret that decision, but he did miss his house, and the dream of getting out of that town didn’t make much sense to Noah now.

As he reached the last few steps his feet felt like lead and his head was throbbing from a long day at work. Sitting at a desk, pushing papers for 8 hours every day in an office cubicle, was not something Noah was meant to be doing. Noah was built for hard manual labor and wide open spaces. But the office job paid well and New York wasn’t exactly cheap. Even with Kurt’s substantial pay-check, they had a few days each month when they had to eat ramen noodles not to go over their budget. Kurt’s expensive taste in clothes and their social calendar burnt more money than they could really afford.

Noah didn’t mind the noodles, but Kurt always grumbled when the end of the month arrived and that was the only thing left in the pantry. Not that he would change his spending habits to afford eating better two days every month. When Noah asked him about it he would say that the good food they ate the rest of the month made up for the two days of noodles, so he wasn’t going to sweat it.

He put the key in the door and stepped inside, almost tripping over Kurt’s shoes thrown haphazardly in front of the door. He frowned, that wasn’t like Kurt at all. Noah sighed and put the shoes away, in the closet, where they belonged.

~*~

“Noah, honey, is that you?” Kurt called as he heard the door close. He didn’t really have time to go out in the hall to see for himself as he was shoulders deep in his closet, searching frantically for something to wear.

“Yeah, it’s me. Hey, what are you doing?” Noah was standing in the doorway leaning on the jamb and watching him with raised eyebrows. Kurt glanced up but didn’t answer – just cursed at his wardrobe. “Kurt, are you ok?” Finally Kurt popped his head out of his closet long enough to really look at his boyfriend. What he saw made him feel slightly guilty as Noah’s face was lined with worry.

“Sorry, honey. I’m looking for the perfect outfit; I’m going out with the girls.” He went over and pecked a kiss to Noah’s cheek.

“Oh, are you doing anything special or are you just hitting the clubs?” Noah caught him around the waist, as he tried to go back to his frantic search, and smiled at Kurt’s frustrated huff.

“We’re going to the Holliday Inn. Could you please let me go now?” he answered, his inner bitch showing his teeth.

“No. Isn’t it Margarita night there on Friday nights?” Noah frowned a little and Kurt felt his irritation grow.

“Yes, is there a problem? The girls are going to be here any minute, and I’m not even dressed yet. So could you _please_ let me go now?” He struggled against Noah’s hold, but he knew he wasn’t going anywhere until Noah deemed to let him go. Kurt huffed a frustrated breath and relaxed against Noah’s strong chest.

“Oh, Lord.” Noah sighed and loosened his arms around him. “Put an extra layer on. I know what happens when you get Tequila in you.” Noah kissed him deeply before letting him go and then he turned around and went to the kitchen for his after work beer, Kurt dove head first back into his closet, grumbling at Noah’s comment and the way he’d said it; with a chuckle and a kiss, like it wasn’t an insult at all.

Five minutes later there was a knock on their door and Kurt swore again. He had just found the perfect pair of jeans to go with the fantastic top he bought on eBay last month and the adorable jacket from Alexander McQueen’s spring line. Now he just needed the accessories to go with the outfit – and shoes! –, Kurt heaved a sigh and called to his boyfriend in the living room “Could you get the door, Noah? I’m not quite ready yet. If it’s the girls just send them in here, would you?” Kurt could hear Noah’s quiet grumblings as he went to answer the door and then his enthusiastic greeting.

“Aretha! Good to see you, how’s Sam doing?” Kurt chuckled a little, he knew Mercedes hated when Noah called her Aretha – because she thought it was because she was a big black woman and that he couldn’t remember her name – but Kurt knew it was because Noah had great R-E-S-P-E-C-T for her and her amazing singing voice.

“Sam’s good, he’s fine. Is Kurt around?” He heard Mercedes ask from the front door, sass and diva-tude flowing off of her like sweet perfume.

“I’m in the bedroom, Mercedes! I need your help; I’m having a fashion emergency.” He called out to his best friend, confident in her ability to help with anything fashion related.

“Hey, boo, what’s the 911?” Mercedes asked as she stepped into Kurt and Noah’s bedroom, giving Kurt a hug and an air-kiss before turning her attention to his closet.

“I need to accessorize that outfit,” Kurt said and pointed to the bed where he had carefully laid out the clothes he had chosen. Just as Mercedes was turning around to look, there was another knock on the door. Kurt rolled his eyes and was about to get it when he was stopped in his tracks by Noah’s heavy steps in the hall.

“I’ve got it, I’ve got it” Kurt heard Noah mutter as he let the next girl in, and Kurt went back to his closet and Mercedes.

“Hey, Puckerman. Kurt around?” Tina’s quiet voice sounded from the hallway.

“Sure, he’s having some fashion 911 in there with Aretha, I bet they could use your help; you look _fine_ today, darlin’!” Kurt rolled his eyes at his boyfriend and gave Mercedes an amused smile. Noah was always flirting with her, but had explained to Kurt that it was just in good fun and because Tina was so shy she needed someone ‘harmless’ to get her used to the attention. Kurt didn’t really mind.

~*~

Noah sat in the living room listening to Kurt and his three best friends laughing in the bedroom. Brittney had showed up shortly after Tina and they seemed to be having a blast in there. He cast a glance at the watch and thought that if they didn’t get going soon they wouldn’t get out at all, and he would end up having to listen to _girl-talk_ all night. He heaved a sigh and was just about to get up and kick them out if he had to, when the bedroom door finally opened and they hurried out without even a goodbye.

Noah chuckled a little to himself and silently counted backwards form ten, on three Kurt was bursting back into the apartment and landed on Noah in an excited heap, kissing him like he was never going to see him again. Noah groaned into the kiss and tried to slide a hand under Kurt’s shirt but found the feat impossible. The tight top was tucked in securely in even tighter jeans.

“I’m sorry I forgot to say goodnight” Kurt panted as he broke the kiss, planting small chaste kisses along Noah’s neck and jaw.

“That’s alright,” he smiled, “you came back, didn’t you?” He stroked Kurt’s cheek and gazed into his eyes, not believing how lucky he was to have such a wonderful man in his life.

“Yeah,” Kurt sighed happily and kissed him one more time before he got up to leave again. “Don’t wait up, honey.” He called as he was rushing back out the door. Noah sighed and leaned his head back against the couch back, closing his eyes and just enjoying the quiet for a few seconds.

A siren sounded in the distance, but it seemed like it was heading closer. Noah frowned and went to look out the window, just in time to see the police car speed down the street, past their building and around the corner. He sighed again; this was the third time this week a police car had taken that exact same route.

He would never tell Kurt, but sometimes Noah thought that if it wasn’t for him, he wouldn’t stay in the city for another minute. He never thought that he would, but he missed the tight knit community of his home-town and the open landscape of the farms and fields. He missed the sky. In the city it was almost impossible to get even a glimpse of it and when you did it was always a dull gray, never blue. And he hadn’t seen a star (that wasn’t wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap) since he left Georgia.

He felt like calling Finn, but hesitated due to the relatively late hour. Rachel had his boy on a tight leash and did not appreciate late night calls that disturbed her beauty sleep. Noah chuckled at the thought of his best friend and his fiancé, wondering when they would finally take the last few steps up the aisle and into holy matrimony. They’d surely been together long enough. He had barely finished the thought before the phone rang in the kitchen. He hurried to get it and when he heard who was on the other end he couldn’t help but laugh.

“You ok, dude?”

“Yeah, Finn, I’m fine. I was actually thinking about calling you. Kurt just went out with his girls.”

“Oh, is there a preview on or something… Kurt knows all those famous people, right?”

“You mean a premier, right? Yeah he does, but they’re going out for Margaritas. I’m a little worried that he’ll come home in a table cloth again.” Noah chuckled, and Finn snorted disbelievingly on the other end.

“You’ll have to tell me that story sometime.” Finn managed to get out between very manly giggles. Noah couldn’t help but laugh with him.

“Kurt and Tequila should be kept on separate continents.”

~*~

“Four Margaritas, and don’t skimp on the ice!” Kurt demanded as he landed on a barstool between Tina and Brittney. Mercedes, on the other side of Tina, gave him a look saying _you go girl_ , as the girls giggled at his bitchy tone, remembering similar times from their collage days.

The bartender winked playfully at Kurt and got busy mixing their drinks, making a show out of it by throwing bottles and mixers behind his back and juggling them. As he slid the four glasses in front of them, he took an extra moment looking into Kurt’s eyes, and for a moment Kurt was lost in their smiling soulful depths.

The bartender leaned in so he could be heard over the music and said “As you wish”. Kurt caught the guy’s eye, as he went back to mixing drinks, feeling his face heat up with a blush and a silly smile on his lips. He soon caught himself, however and he frowned as he reminded himself that he had a wonderful man waiting for him back home, and a bartender quoting one of his favorite movies was not going to lead him astray, no matter how charming and handsome he was.

But he couldn’t help that his eyes went back to the, very good looking, bartender time and time again. Thankfully, the girls were too busy getting plastered to notice Kurt’s wandering eyes.

After the third Margarita of the night had disappeared down thirsty throats, Kurt and the girls decided that the dance floor looked way to empty to be legal in a New York bar at midnight. The DJ’s selection was surprisingly good, considering the eclectic mix of everything from Gaga to Bon Jovi to the great Divas of soul and Rn’B.

“Hey, Tina, don’t look but that guy over there is totally checking you out.” Kurt said in his friend’s ear as they danced with each other to a fast techno beat.

“He’s not; he’s looking at Brittney… or you. Who would look at me when you guys are around?” Tina said, dancing slightly away from Kurt and towards Mercedes. Kurt stopped dancing at that, just stood staring at her for a few seconds before he decided on a course of action. He nodded a little to himself, as he made his way over to the man eyeing his friend, pausing only to kick off his shoes; which were starting to bother him. Heels made his legs look fantastic, but they were not helping him as he stumbled across the floor.

“Who are you looking at?” Kurt said as soon as he was close enough to make his voice heard over the thumping music.

“Why? One of them fine ladies your girlfriend?” They guy asked, looking down at Kurt – since the guy was several inches taller – and smiling a little.

“Not hardly, my man is at home, probably watching some game. So, who were you watching?” Kurt laughed a little, and hoped that his frank answer hadn’t cost Tina her chance with this guy.

“The cute Asian, maybe you can introduce us?” The guy suddenly seemed unsure, and his smile was a little uncertain. “She’s not taken is she?”

“Come on,” Kurt said and started dragging the guy out on the dance floor by the hand. “What’s your name?” He asked as they got closer to the girls.

“Mike” Mike shouted over the music, which was even louder where they were standing next to a huge speaker. Kurt smiled back at him and, as Tina danced closer to him, snagged her hand and pulled her to a stop in front of Mike.

“Tina, this is Mike. Mike, meet your eye candy.” Kurt said and danced away from the pair, feeling that his mission was complete and that they could probably handle themselves from now on.

“Hey, Brit I’m gonna go to the little boys’ room, I’ll be right back” Kurt let his friend know, but didn’t wait for an answer, and wandered off the dance floor to the back of the club, where the restrooms where located. On his way he bumped into quite a few people, and various furniture, the alcohol making the room spin in a pleasant way.

“’Scuse me” Kurt muttered as he bumped into a support pillar near the bar. As he walked past he caught the eye of the bartender and smiled, ducking his head a little and peering up through mussed hair falling across his forehead. He held the pretty guy’s gaze for as long as he could on his way to the bathroom.

As he closed the stall door behind him he leaned against it and heaved a big sigh. This was a great night. Mercedes was having fun, Brittney got to dance and Tina was getting her flirt on. Kurt was happy; he let out a laugh – something he would never do in a restroom if he were sober, considering that it wasn’t exactly empty.

Kurt liked the restrooms at the Holliday Inn; they were always so clean and never smelled of urine and other unpleasant things associated with public bathrooms. They were comfortable, with a nice color-scheme and even some chairs for those long waits that people who had imbibed a little too much wouldn’t be able to make without support. Kurt took his Alexander McQueen jacket off and hung it on the hook on the stall door, before he took care of business.

  


As he left the busy restroom, he bumped into even more people and was shoved a little but managed to remain on his feet. He looked up when he heard his name being shouted by several voices, three of which he recognized and one that he didn’t, but figured that it had to be Mike.

“Kurt, we’re doing shots! Come quick! You’re already behind!” Brittney almost squealed as she spotted him, nudging Mike next to her to pass a shot glass to Kurt.

“Noo! I hate Tequila shots!” Kurt exclaimed even as he accepted the glass, saltshaker and lime-wedge. The girls all laughed at him and as Mike counted to three they all licked their salt, downed their shot and sucked their lime. Kurt shuddered dramatically and stuck out his tongue as he slammed the glass down hard on the bar top. They didn’t even have to ask to get five new shots, suddenly they were just sitting there in front of them and they didn’t waste any time downing them.

“You always say that, Kurt.” Brittney said as soon as she had swallowed her lime. “You said you didn’t like those Jell-O shooters either but you had like 16 of those that one time. I was sad that you didn’t turn into a real unicorn.” Brittney said, leaning on the bar to see Kurt three seats down. Tina, Mercedes and Kurt were used to Brittney’s strange statements and if Santana were there she would get that soft look in her eyes she only got when Brit said something particularly weird.

“Why would he turn into a unicorn, Brit?” Tina said and shot a glance at Mike to see his reaction. Mike was smiling in a way that told them that he didn’t really know what to think. That maybe he hoped that she was just kidding and wasn’t a total nutcase.

“Because unicorns puke rainbows and I already know that Kurt is magical, so when he started puking different colors I thought he would become a _real_ unicorn.” Mercedes started laughing and gave Kurt a meaningful look.

“Don’t make fun of me, Mrs. Evans-Jones! I seem to recall a quite impressive sermon to the porcelain gods after your bridal shower. And I only threw up that once, in collage, so it barely counts.”

“I was so drunk, I barely even remember it. Hey, Tina! Do you remember the last time we went on a tequila bender?” Mercedes asked, putting her arm around Kurt as if she was afraid that he would run away. Tina burst out laughing and nodded.

“It was maybe three years ago,” She told Mike who was looking at them all like they were aliens. “Kurt had just broken up with his boyfriend at the time and he was just so depressed; poor thing.” She reached across Mike to put a sympathetic hand on Kurt’s leg; he grimaced at her, not liking where this story was going.

“Yes, yes; poor me. I got totally sloshed, went home in a curtain, fled to Miami for a few months and met Noah on the way back to New York at a small town farmer’s market, and now three years later here I am getting plastered again but this time I am keeping my clothes _on_!” Kurt downed his third shot while Mercedes shook her head.

“Naw-aw, that’s not it. Puckerman had just moved here, and it wasn’t a curtain it was a tablecloth. Puck had to carry him home over his shoulder, Kurt looked like he was having a really good time.” Mercedes looked at Kurt like she couldn’t figure him out, and in her drunken state she probably couldn’t make head or tails of him.

“Well, I had a great view, why wouldn’t I be happy?” Kurt asked after he had finished shuddering from the sour lime.

Brittney, Tina and Mercedes shouted with laughter and neither Kurt nor Mike could help but laugh with them.

“Barkeep! Let’s have another!” Kurt commanded when he had regained his breath, waving his shot glass over his head to get the bartender’s attention. It wasn’t long before they had five new shots in front of them.

“On the house, beautiful.” The bartender leaned into Kurt again to be heard over the music. “What’s your name?” The crowd had moved from the bar to the dance floor, while Kurt had been busy with his first shot, so the bartender had some time to make small talk with his customers. Kurt felt a familiar flutter in his stomach – the flutter that comes with getting to know a cute guy – he smiled and leaned even closer.

“My name’s Kurt. What’s your name?” The bartender leaned back a fraction and looked into Kurt’s eyes, and once again he felt like he was drowning in them. He drew a deep breath as the bartender took his hand.

“I’m Blaine, it’s nice to meet you, Kurt.” Blaine smiled and Kurt sucked in another deep breath. He had never seen such a perfect smile on a real person before in his life.

“Hi, Blaine.” Kurt smiled back and he could almost _feel_ his eyes sparkle. Next to him, the girls were tutting at him for his behavior, but they were easily ignored.

~*~

It was getting late and Noah was tired after a long boring day at work. After he’d talked to Finn, and found out that the reason he’d called at all was to ask him to be his best man, he had watched the last few minutes of the game. He’d groaned when his team lost, and almost jumped out of his skin when the next door neighbors screamed out their victory over the same game.

He sighed and rubbed his forehead as he wondered how much more of this he could take without breaking. The walls were paper thin and the building wasn’t exactly quiet; families with small children, college students who thought it was more prudent to party than to study on the weekends and dogs barking around the clock all contributed to the constant ear pollution they had to live with every day. Noah didn’t think anyone could really blame him for missing the quiet of his childhood home.

Noah went into the bathroom to start his bedtime routine, mentally preparing his busy mind for sleep; letting go of issues he couldn’t do anything about and putting all the other stuff aside for the night. When he left the bathroom, he felt more relaxed and he knew that he would have little trouble falling to sleep that night.

He had a prescription of sleeping pills, but he didn’t like to take them. They made him a little drowsy the next morning and he tried to go without them as often as he could. He knew it was the City that was making it hard for him to sleep, growing up he never had to block out the sudden noise of sirens blaring past or neighbors fighting.

He honestly didn’t know how Kurt did it. Kurt was also raised in a small town, not a farming town like Noah, but it was still relatively quiet at night. But Kurt fit in the city like he was born there, and that’s why Noah hadn’t let on to his boyfriend that he was miserable, that he wanted to go back to Georgia. He smiled as he thought about his best friend’s wedding, it would be the first time, since he moved to New York, he went back to where he grew up. And Kurt would go with him. He didn’t even have to ask his boyfriend, he just knew that he would.

He had barely put his head on the pillow before he was asleep.

~*~

Kurt had no memory of how he got home last night; he didn’t even remember leaving the bar. But he must have gotten home alright, because here he was; in bed, cuddled up in Noah’s strong arms. He took a few moments to enjoy the feeling before he had to open his eyes and face the massive hangover he knew was waiting for him.

His bladder was seriously bothering him, Kurt groaned and pried open his eyes, slowly so that the light from the window wouldn’t shock him into closing them again. But the sight that met him was not the one he had expected. Instead of his tastefully decorated bedroom, he was in a pig-sty of a studio apartment, and the person lying next to him was certainly not his beloved boyfriend of two and a half years. Kurt sat up with a gasp and looked around himself in horror.

“What have I done?” he groaned again and hid his face in his hands, hoping for a split second that he had dreamt the whole thing and that he would wake up next to Noah when he opened his eyes again. No such luck, though. He was still in the studio apartment, he was still in bed with some guy he couldn’t even remember the name of and he had still the mother of all hangovers.

“Shut up and go back to sleep” the guy next to him grumbled and tightened his hold around Kurt’s waist. Kurt blushed scarlet as he felt evidence of exactly what they had been doing the night before. Dried come and lube was making his skin stick to the sheets. He looked down at the guy, trying to remember something about him, about the previous night, but he couldn’t. He needed to get home to Noah.

“Where are my clothes?” He wondered out loud, not expecting an answer, just talking to himself to keep himself from freaking out as he made his way off the bed and started looking for the outfit he’d worn the night before. The guy in the bed grumbled something that didn’t make any sense at all and waved his hand in the vague direction of the couch. Kurt darted over, taking the sheet wrapped around him with him, and found his jeans thrown in a pile between the couch and the small – and cluttered – coffee table. He looked around for his shirt, but couldn’t find it anywhere.

“If you’re looking for more clothing than those jeans you’d have to go back to the bar. I think you left your shirt in the cab though.” The guy in the bed said. “Do you want some coffee?” he rolled out of the bed, not bothering with a sheet or anything else to cover up. Kurt looked away, blushing and thinking about what he was going to say to Noah when he got home.

“I just want to get home. I don’t even remember your name, for Prada’s sake!” Kurt exclaimed, but regretted it a second later as his head reminded him of why one should use their indoor voices when hung-over. He put one hand over his eyes and one on his rebelling stomach. He almost jumped three feet in the air when he felt a gentle touch on his shoulder.

“Have some coffee, Kurt it’ll make you feel better.” He lowered his hand form his eyes and saw the guy standing in front of him with a steaming mug of coffee. Kurt was sure it had to be instant coffee; no one could brew decent coffee in the short time he’d been in the kitchen.

“No, thank you.” Kurt said curtly and turned around to tug on his jeans, not even bothering to look for his underwear.

“Kurt, don’t be mad at me, please.” The guy pleaded and Kurt felt like the lowest kind of scum. How could he have done this to Noah, to this guy?

“I’m not mad, and I’m sorry. But I have to go home. I have a boyfriend and he’ll worry if I don’t come home. How could I be mad at you, when I’m the one who’s screwed up?” Kurt babbled as he checked his pockets; he still had his wallet, phone and keys; that’s good at least.

“You have a boyfriend?” The guy asked and looked a little defeated. Kurt sighed as he turned to the door.

“It was nice knowing you, or whatever.” He opened the door, but before he could close it the guy was there, in his face, a determined look in his eye and a smile on his lips.

“My name is Blaine Anderson, and I will not let you forget about me.” Kurt tried to turn around and walk out but Blaine held onto him, with surprising strength, and kissed him – with tongue. Kurt was too stunned to do anything for a few seconds, but then he pushed Blaine away and ran down the stairs and out onto the street. The cold felt kind of good against his blushing skin and bare feet as he stopped by the curb to hail a cab.

~*~

Noah woke up alone, and he figured Kurt must have spent the night at one of the girls’ place but he decided that he wasn’t going to worry until at least midday. If he hadn’t heard from Kurt by noon he would call the girls to find him. But 9am on a Saturday was too early for a hung over Kurt to be awake, much less coherent enough to make it home.

Noah stayed in bed a little while, but couldn’t do it for very long. His body was not made for long periods of inactivity, especially not if Kurt wasn’t there to cuddle with. He got up, put on a pair of sweats and, on his way through the kitchen, put on the coffeemaker before he went out on the balcony to take a few deep breaths and feel the day – just like he did every day. He stretched his arms high above his head and let out a groan of pleasure as his spine made a series of popping noises. Noah breathed in deeply and frowned at the smell of exhaust fumes and trash from the street below. Another reason to hate the city, he would much rather wake up to the smell of cow-dung and tractor diesel than the suffocating smells of New York City.

He looked down to watch the slow morning traffic. Besides the occasional pedestrian and bicyclist there were only a few cars out this early, most of them yellow taxi-cabs. Saturday mornings were usually a pretty busy time for the yellow cabs, and it wasn’t unusual for them to make a stop right underneath Noah and Kurt’s balcony. Noah didn’t pay them much attention. He wasn’t going to be one of those people who look through their curtains to find out gossip about their neighbors, and to be truly honest he wasn’t very interested in other people’s comings and goings.

Even as he thought this, he watched as one of the cabs came to a stop in front of the building. He didn’t know why but there were something about that cab that made it impossible for him to look away. He squinted his eyes as the cab door opened and a man stepped out and stumbled a little on the sidewalk. The man was shirtless and he was moving as though he weren’t wearing any shoes either. Noah smiled a little as he realized who it was.

“At least he kept his pants on this time,” Noah chuckled as Kurt disappeared from his view.

~*~

Kurt felt the shame build as the cab drew to a stop in front of his building. The thought of facing Noah and telling him what had happened was almost enough for Kurt to turn tail and run to Mercedes for comfort, or maybe what he really wanted was for her to yell at him and tell him what a sorry excuse for human waste he was. That he didn’t deserve someone who was as fantastic as Noah, that Noah should dump his cheating ass and never look back. And that Kurt would deserve every hurtful word and second of misery that Noah could possibly give him.

As he stepped out of the cab, he stepped on some broken glass and stumbled to regain his balance after the shock of pain had settled. He swore softly and limped into the building, he didn’t stop until he was on his way up in the elevator. He leaned heavily on the back wall and examined his bleeding foot. There wasn’t any glass left in the wound, but it was bleeding a little and Kurt felt faint. He was not good with blood and that on top of his massive hang over as well as his guilt was making him feel seriously ill. Kurt wasn’t a praying man, but now he was pleading to every deity he had ever heard of that he would make it to the toilet before he threw up whatever he had in his stomach.

When he finally reached his floor he dashed out of the elevator and was surprised to see that the door was wide open and that Noah was standing there, waiting for him with a big smile on his lips and his arms open in a request for a hug. Kurt felt a new surge of shame and guilt as he pushed past his boyfriend to get to the bathroom across the hall. He managed to get there just in time not to make a mess on the floor, and as he was puking his guts out he couldn’t stop the tears from spilling over. And as his retching stopped he started sobbing instead. And when Noah came in the bathroom to take care of him he only cried harder. Why did Noah have to be so wonderful when Kurt himself was such a douche?

“Kurt, honey, are you alright?” Noah sat down behind him and rubbed his back in soothing circles. If Kurt had had anything left in his stomach he would have thrown up again as guilt filled every cell in his body. Kurt sobbed harder and shook his head. He didn’t deserve Noah, but the words to tell him what had happened were sticking to the roof of his mouth like chunky peanut butter. Kurt knew he was weak for not telling him, but he also knew that he needed Noah like he needed air and if Noah knew what he’d done he would leave.

“Come on, babe. Let’s get you to bed, you obviously need more sleep.” Noah helped him stand up and led him to their bed. Kurt felt like he could barely breathe as Noah made him lay down and kissed his cheek as he told him to get some sleep and that he would come and check in on him in a few hours.

~*~

Noah closed the bedroom door but stayed and listened with his hand still on the knob. Kurt was sobbing on the other side and Noah could feel his heart breaking for him. He didn’t know what could possibly have happened to make Kurt this miserable and it was killing him. Heaving a big sigh he pushed away from the door and went with determined steps into the kitchen to use the phone.

“Hey, Sam is Mercedes up yet?” Noah asked as the line connected and the other man answered.

“Puckerman? Umm, no she’s still sleeping. Why?” Sam sounded confused, like he’d just woken up himself.

“I’m sorry if I woke you, man. But Kurt came home just now and he was in a state like you wouldn’t believe. I wanted to ask Mercedes if she knew what happened.” Noah sat down heavily in one of the kitchen chairs and leaned his elbows on the table in front of him.

“I have no idea, dude. Merce didn’t say anything when she got home, just that she left before anyone else and that they were having a blast but she was tired.” Sam was still sort of whispering in that half awake kind of way that comes naturally at the crack of dawn. That it was after 10 didn’t seem to negate that though.

“Thanks anyway, man. Could you maybe ask her when she wakes up if she noticed anything off about Kurt, though, and have her call me on my cell?” Noah waited a beat for Sam’s affirmative answer and then thanked him and hung up to call the next girl.

They all said the same thing; they’d had a blast last night, though some parts were a little bit fuzzy around the edges, and that they had left before Kurt, so they had no idea what happened to him after that. But would he please have Kurt call them later since they had his jacket/scarf/shoes at their place.

Noah’s worry didn’t dissipate as the hours crept by, it was simmering right under the surface of his thoughts as he puttered around the apartment, killing time until Kurt woke up.

By the time Kurt started to move around in the bedroom Noah had tidied the kitchen and living room and alphabetized their extensive DVD collection by genre.

He was sitting on the couch not reading a magazine when Kurt finally came out, still in the jeans he’d come home in. Noah just watched as Kurt hurried to the bathroom without even looking in his direction. He frowned and heaved a deep sigh. Something was seriously not right and the worry, that had settled a little but wasn’t forgotten, crept up a notch.

Noah put the magazine down and turned on the TV. Yesterday’s game was on and though Noah knew who won he let it play out again. He needed the distraction until Kurt was ready to talk. He had a feeling that talking to Kurt would be like pulling teeth. He would have to drag every word out of him. He let his mind race as he pretended to watch the game, once again wondering what could be so terrible. If something had happened to Kurt or if Kurt himself had done something that he shouldn’t. He didn’t have to think about it long before he decided that he would forgive Kurt anything, if only Kurt stayed with him and was willing to work out any issues that they might have.

~*~

Kurt sighed as the hot water beat against his skin. When he’d woken up he’d felt so dirty he couldn’t stand it. Images of what had happened last night was attacking him ruthlessly and with them came new waves of guilt and shame. Kurt wondered if he’d ever feel any other emotion again. The guilt seemed to drown everything, but the shame and self-hate, out.

He picked up his loofa and soap and went on to scrub his skin raw in his attempt to wash away what he had done with Blaine. But no matter how hard he scrubbed he couldn’t get rid of the feeling of being dirty. And when the water started to lose its heat he gave up and stepped out. Though sobs were making his throat feel tight and tears clouded his vision he knew he had to bite the bullet and face his boyfriend. A sharp pain in his heart accompanied the thought that he might not be able to call Noah his boyfriend for much longer. He gasped in a breath and stepped out of the bathroom, clad in his fluffiest robe, and came face to face with Noah. A tear slipped past his guard, but before he could wipe it away Noah had already swiped it with his thumb.

“Kurt, darlin’, please tell me what’s wrong” Noah wrapped his arms around him and held him tight against his chest. Kurt tried to struggle free, he didn’t deserve to be held and comforted by the very man he had betrayed just a few hours before. Without him really realizing it Kurt started sobbing against Noah’s naked chest, clinging to him like he was the last safe perch in a roiling ocean, determined to drown him if he let go for only a second.

“I’m sorry, so sorry. I didn’t mean it, I’m so sorry.” Were the only words Kurt managed to force out between violent sobs. Noah was once again stroking his back and making calming shushing noises and humming silly melodies under his breath. Kurt started to calm down after a few minutes, he’d always found it impossible not to whenever Noah was working his magic on him.

“Shush, Kurt, whatever it is we’ll be alright.” Noah was whispering in his ear and suddenly Kurt was angry, he pushed himself away and glared daggers at him.

“Don’t you dare say that! Don’t promise anything you can’t keep!” Kurt almost shouted as he fought off Noah’s attempts to recapture him in his arms.

“Kurt, I love you! Whatever happened I forgive you, because I know you love me too. Come on, babe, you’re scaring me here” Noah said as he reached for him again, managed to catch his sleeve and pulled him in close. Kurt was still mad though and he pushed hard against Noah’s chest, looked him straight in the eye and said in a cool and collected voice “I cheated on you.”

~*~*~*~

  


  
  
**The End**   


~*~*~*~

  


  
**Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off**   


Joe Nichols

She said “I’m going out with my girlfriends  
Margaritas at the Holliday Inn”  
Lord have mercy  
My only thought  
Was “Tequila makes her clothes fall off”  
I told her “Put an extra layer on  
I know what happens when you drink Patrone”  
Her closet’s missing half the things she bought  
Yeah Tequila makes her clothes fall off

She’ll start by kicking out of her shoes  
Lose an earring in her drink  
Leave her jacket in the bathroom stall  
Drop a contact down the sink

Them pantyhose ain’t gonna last too long  
If the D.J puts BonJovi on  
She might come home in a table cloth  
Yeah Tequila makes her clothes fall off  
She can handle any champagne brunch  
Bridal showers with Bacardi-punch  
Jell-O shooters full of Smirnoff  
But Tequila makes her clothes fall off

She’ll start by kicking out of her shoes  
Lose an earring in her drink  
Leave her jacket in the bathroom stall  
Drop a contact down the sink

She don’t mean nothing  
She’s just having fun  
Tomorrow she’ll say “Oh, what have I done?”  
Friends will joke about the stuff she lost  
Yeah Tequila makes her clothes fall off  
Oh, Tequila makes her clothes fall off  
Oh, Tequila makes her clothes fall off

**Author's Note:**

> Don't hate me please... *ducks for cover*


End file.
